John: Your Servant for the Journey
I am simply John, The Beleaguered Believer, your servant for the journey. A Christian mystic, not in the sense of chasing the esoteric outside of the guardrails set by scripture and in general historic Christian voices like Bonhoeffer and Spurgeon, but as one devoted to seeking the presence of God beyond the walls of tradition religious institutions. I walk outside the denominations and structures of institutional Christianity, drawn instead to the quiet voice within, the living Word written on the heart. My path has been one of faith, of wrestling, of wandering—and, ultimately, of return. leaning on the promises of Matthew 7:7:
Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.
The Story So Far
For more than 20 years, I served as a minister in an Apostolic Pentecostal church, pioneering in the use of the internet for spreading the Gospel through web pages and the backend technology of streaming video.
During that time, I also managed The Good News Café, a thriving online forum where believers gathered for fellowship and study, but also there was a few who only wanted to argue, and debate and often hurl insults, use the scriptures to manipulate and degrade one another. That was heartbreaking to me because I had a concept of what a "Christian" was, and I encountered many who didn't even measure up to the basics while quoting whole passages of bible that they then 'splained.
One of the issues I am wresting with here is in managing a community while keeping out the cyberbullies and leashing voices that try to dominate the room with ego. Still working that. As an INFP personality I hate confrontation. And I have loads of bad memories from those days.
This is also where I began to encounter the growing heresy that is Christian Nationalism personally. And it effected me deeply and not in a good way. As a veteran I was drawn to the God-Country connection, then I realized what it was really all about. Its about the oh so very certain people and their certainty being in charge of every area of our collective lives. Be afraid of certainty.
Leaving the System, Entering the Desert
After decades of influence by traditional religion, I stepped away. I had a whole set of my own issues and I had seen way too much of:
- The flaws of religious systems
- The dangers of hierarchy
- The ways human institutions distort what is meant to be a simple, personal relationship with Christ
That journey led me into a desert of learning—a place of self-examination, repentance, and rediscovery. Yeah, that would be the whole "mystic" bit. Yes, I am aware that this is not a "Bible" word. Well, I have encountered far to many folks styling themselves by Bible words like "Pastor", "Bishop", and even "Apostle", who really shouldn't have.
I don't think of myself as any kind of minister. I don't need any kind of title or position within a hierarchy. I'm just a guy out here with words to say and a prayer that they reach hearts for change. And to be a voice apart from the noise of factions and the angry church. I am simply The Beleaguered Believer. And I am here for wherever this ride takes us.
Mistakes, Redemption, and Grace
Getting here has been a long and weird journey. I'm not a hero in my own story. I made mistakes. I hurt people. I was pretty awful, actually. I did things I regret. And I am sorry.
I am in no way worthy to do this but here’s the truth: God is merciful. His grace calls us home, no matter how far we’ve strayed.
That’s why I’m here, creating this ministry for those like me:
- For the ones who walk the path alone—who don’t fit into a church structure but still long for Christ.
- For the ones who fell away—who feel they’ve strayed too far but need to know they can come back - without the approval, consent or participation of any human authority.
- For those who just want to grow—who seek practical, Bible-based wisdom to become better followers of Christ.
Walking This Journey Together
I don’t claim have all the answers or know the depth and breadth of God's divine will and plan. I leave that kind of thinking to those oh so very certain people. I have found that certainty is a thing a thinking Christian should fear. Im not here to pass judgement. I'm not here to lecture or yell at anyone about their sins. The individual and God can see to all of that together. I'm not here to preach about this that and the other thing. That voice is out there abundantly. Nor am I here to argue theology or politics. My theology starts with trying to be what Jesus would have me to be. How can I get closer to that role model using the Bible as my guide. I am here to be a voice against injustice and to provide scripturally sound resources aimed at discipleship, growth and discernment for believers in Jesus who are struggling on the path as well, alone or in a group.
Like many of you I'm plodding along day-by-day trying to make my way home. I walk this journey alongside you, and here I will share what I’ve learned, learning as I go, and striving daily to be a better representative of the Kingdom of Heaven.
So invite you to join me on social media. There is more coming as I intend to put myself out there on video and have some interesting ideas for community groups and possibly a weekly interactive prayer, devotional and fellowship time online. The social media follow links are down below, so please, keep in touch!
